LOVE AND ADDICTION CAN BE EMOTIONAL
PART TWO
Dealing with a loved one in addiction or, hopefully, in recovery, can be exhausting, nerve-wracking, frightening, and potentially destructive to any relationship. Emotions can fly at us from all directions and with little notice. They can be very unhealthy, particularly for those trying desperately to provide support for a struggling friend, family member or lover. Keeping emotions in check is hard work, but also necessary for all involved. There are three emotions in particular that can run a relationship off the recovery rails if not tended to with care. Last week, anger, this week:
GRIEF
Watching a loved one struggle with addiction can be torture. Sadness can become a constant companion. One big issue is dealing with memories of what it may have been like before the addiction lit a fire beneath the relationship. There may be longings for the days when booze and drugs were not the center of the loved ones world, not to mention your own. Memories of what may have been much happier, healthier times can drive one into grief. Remember, grief is a natural response to a loss. In this case, the loss is the loved one we once knew but are now them self lost to addiction.
DEALING WITH IT
Grieving effectively means being grounded in the present. Wallowing in the past can compound the problem. We need to catch ourselves when we think or say things like, “I remember when….”, or “why can’t we just go back to the way things used to be”? Recognize the value of memories, but remember you can’t go back in time.
Put your energy into moving forward. We need to retrain our minds to become more positive and proactive. This could be a good time to lean on a friend or family member to help work through this process. Help from a counselor might also be considered and spending time with a group like Al-Anon can provide great comfort and support from others with addicted loved ones. Coming out of the past can give rise to the future. What dreams, goals, steps are there to be considered together? Contemplating this is so much better than dwelling on what could have, should have, or would have been. Next week; guilt.
From Your Friends at www.commonbondrehabcenter.com and www.just4usgirls.net Santa Clarita, CA.