LOVE AND ADDICTION CAN BE EMOTIONAL PART THREE

Posted By on Mar 17, 2017 |


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LOVE AND ADDICTION CAN BE EMOTIONAL

PART THREE

 

Dealing with a loved one in addiction or, hopefully, in recovery, can be exhausting, nerve-wracking, frightening, and potentially destructive to any relationship.  Emotions can fly at us from all directions and with little notice.  They can be very unhealthy, particularly for those trying desperately to provide support for a struggling friend, family member or lover.  Keeping emotions in check is hard work, but also necessary for all involved.  There are three emotions in particular that can run a relationship off the recovery rails if not tended to with care. Last week; grief. This week; guilt.

 

GUILT

None of us wants to see our addicted loved ones hurting. But we can’t always take responsibility for someone else. If we do, we’ll start to see ourselves as the cause of the problem and feel compelled to “fix” everything. And when we realize we can’t, we feel like we’ve failed.  We feel guilty.  Remember the definition of guilt.   “A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined”.   Many family members, particularly parents and siblings, entertain or believe they are, in some form or fashion, responsible for an alcoholic’s condition. More often than not, this is just not the case. But guilt, real or imagined, happens.

HOW TO DEAL

Handling guilt can be tricky, because it can hit us from two sources –from our own thoughts, and from those of others. There is also the issue of “good” guilt, which helps us to grow, versus “bad” guilt that leaves us wallowing. In order to escape the destructive cycle of a guilty mindset, we need to be able to tell the difference.

One of the best ways to dispel guilty feelings is with a good dose of honesty. Take time to think hard about, or even write down, specific situations or events you feel guilty about. Ask yourself; “is this really my fault?” If you decide that you are at fault or at least have a part to play, confessing and asking for forgiveness from another might be the right thing to do.

It may also be that you discover you’ve been carrying around a burden that was never really yours. After all, other people make their own decisions along the way, too. That may likely apply to your addicted loved one. Letting go of unnecessary guilt lightens your load, and frees up your energy as you move forward. When you are free of guilt as it relates to the addiction that is consuming your lives, you are more able to see clearly and respond to what is really happening.  There is only so much you can do for this person and you must not let yourself fall into the trap of self-blame.  That guilt might lead to enabling and that is a most destructive relationship and will most definitely compound your efforts to heal yourself and your loved one both.

Feeling and expressing your emotions is a challenging process, but they’ll give you a greater sense of self-worth and an improved outlook on the future. Most importantly, you don’t have to do all of the work alone.  Al-Anon and other programs designed for families of the addicted could be a terrific start on your own road to recovery.

 

From your friends at www.commonbondrehabcenter.com and www.just4usgirls.net  Santa Clarita, CA.

 

Common Bond Rehab Center takes most Insurances.

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