STAY AWAY, I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS!
CERTAIN PEOPLE TO AVOID IN RECOVERY
1. The Instigator
Remember the little brother or sister whose primary function was to annoy you? They called you names, jabbed you in the ribs for no apparent reason and laughed maniacally as you chased them about in a homicidal rage. Yeah, you know the type. The instigator. These people find sheer delight in getting a reaction out of others. They laugh when you are mad and many times, it seems they just don’t know when to stop. If you come across an instigator, do your best to keep your distance. Don’t let them take jabs at your sobriety.
2. The Miserable One
You know this type too. They seem always to be miserable and boy do they need you to know all about it. All this while you’re powering through one of the most challenging times of your life; staying sober. You don’t need this. Obviously, we hear all kinds of sadness in group or 12 step from people sharing. But that’s a different thing and at the end of the day, that sharing environment seems always to provide some hope and positive vibes. But with the miserable one, day after day or week after week, they ooze negativity and sadness and you’re stuck having to hear it. While the miserable one may be someone you care about, you don’t have to spend a large amount of time listening to their problems. Having someone constantly dumping their negative emotions on you can wash you out of your own energy, which you need while making positive changes in your own life. Good spot for a boundary, no?
3. The Pessimist
We addicts are, by nature, a pessimistic lot. How often are we confronted by our own negative thoughts? But getting that negativity from an outside source as well is just not healthy. A pessimist is someone who always thinks the worst is going to happen in situations. They’re skeptical and can really put a damper on other people’s good moods. For example, approach a pessimist about your new car and you’ll hear something about how that brand isn’t considered very reliable, you know. Or you just took a 90 day chip and what do you hear? Let’s hope you can make it to a year. Talk about a downer. Whatever the reason, these folks just aren’t down with positive changes and may not be able to see the silver lining in their own lives not to mention yours. While in recovery, you need people who believe that you are powerful enough to create lasting change. Don’t let pessimists get in the way.
4. The All About Me Person
People who are self-absorbed will not be interested in or able to add anything of value to your life. Instead, they may just end up polluting your good energy with bad. As they focus on their own selfish gain, they’re unable to show the empathy, compassion or encouragement a person in recovery needs. They may be inconsiderate and concerned only with what they can get out of you. Don’t let a self-centered person sacrifice what you can give. Sometimes, even if you care about a person, it is best to stay away.
5. The Rude Person
Rude people can drag you down. The ones who diss the server or clerk. The ones who cut off other motorists or cut in line or cut off sentences. And it is these people who will likely be rude to you as well. Just because we’re used to their behavior, doesn’t mean its ok and doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. Toxic people are most definitely triggers if only because they can and will anger you and anger and hurt are not good things when we are in recovery. Talk to them. Tell them they are disrespectful. But if they are not going to change, and there is a likelihood they won’t, it’s time to walk away.
Don’t ever forget, this is your recovery. You cannot allow rude, negative, selfish, miserable, instigating people to threaten it. Create some clear, concrete boundaries or walk away.